Snow, Snow Everywhere!

We had a really nice snow last night and early this morning and thankfully it actually stuck. I can't even remember when the last time was that it happened. The kids were of course chomping at the bit to get out into it and truth be told, I was excited to see it but I wasn't all that keen to play in it. Then we got up this morning and there it all was - inches of snow just waiting to be made into snowballs. I still wasn't interested in getting down and dirty in it; I wanted to get pictures of the kids playing around in it. Then I took pics of them playing with the dog in it. And then we decided to make a snow man. Didn't turn out all that well, because evidently the snow was a bit too hard to pack right. The whole time I was thinking - this used to be so much easier. LOL! So while we're making the poor pitiful little guy, we see our friends in their yard and so we walked over. We got into the biggest snow ball fight ever! It was like I had stepped out of adulthood and landed in my childhood memories. Only this time it was better because I could share it with my kids. We laughed until our stomachs hurt and we tackled each other into the snow until our clothes were soaked. : ) It was so amazingly fun! The only drawback is it made me realize just how out of shape I am! LOL! I am so pooped! How in the world did we do stuff like that all day? Ahh...those were the days....when we had the energy to do everything we wanted to do. : )

Song of the Day: "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback

Live it up and laugh often - you never know when it'll be your last.

CHRISTMAS MINUS QUITE A FEW.

So this will be the first Christmas for me without my sister and nephews. It's been tough knowing that it will be this way. I've attempted to exist everyday without thinking about it but still I know it will hit me Christmas day. My sister has decided now that it's too difficult on her children to talk to me, so she has chosen to deny my requests to speak to them. She says she'll give my messages but I have to say that I doubt the validity of that statement. I just can't understand how she can say that it's harder for the boys to hear from me than not to. How can that possibly be truth, when I know how much they love me and my family. She knows that we all love them and I can't think of any other reason for her decision than to try to force me to change my mind about her. It's not only a really ineffective way to get on my good side, but it's also exceptionally cruel - not just to me and my family but also on her own kids. I don't know why she wants to hurt me so much. It's beyond my abilities to grasp who she has become. She sent me a Christmas card today and of course it was bubbly and excited like nothing has happened which irritated the hell out of me. How can she act as if she hasn't destroyed our family? I truly feel like I don't know her anymore. I guess sometimes that's just life. Sometimes, it really sucks. Good thing that sometimes, it's really amazing. : )

Pain always comes, but so does peace

Well it seems my sister has moved back into the home of my "mother" who shall from here on out be called Susan and my "stepfather" who shall be called Johnny. If you know my story, then you can understand why this bothers me. If you don't know my history, then just trust me to say that this is a bad thing. A very bad thing. I don't care to air all my family's dirty laundry to the entire world at this time. Besides, should I choose to do that, it would take way too long to write out. So anyway, my sister and I haven't spoken for some time now and with this new development, I fear she has gone too far to ever change that. I can't understand her decision and I don't think I'll ever be able to resign myself to forgive her for it. I never imagined she could be so destructive as to move her children into that home. How do you make the decision to do what you swore you never would? How do you proclaim your disdain for a person and situation and then allow yourself to go right back to that person and that situation? I don't understand and  I believe that I will forever feel as if she betrayed me. Like she broke that most sacred of vows. I don't know if my heart will ever be the same again - I feel like I've lost so much, but all I can do is keep going. I have to stand up for what's right, to be true to my decisions and press on. I can't let her selfish decisions dictate how I feel about myself or how I live my life. I will be happy, I will love with all my heart, and I will be loved by the ones who have stood by me through it all. I will not allow her betrayal to destroy my ability to trust. I have accepted that most of my family is gone from me, but I've also realized that the ones that remain are the ones who have always loved me. They are true and I thank God that he blessed me with each of them. I don't know that I would have come out on the other side of this without their strength and unconditional acceptance. So in this time of despair and loss, I have found some peace. I can't make the decisions for others, no matter that I can see a disaster ahead. I have to let them take their own road and I have to follow the one I know God has laid before me. I am strong enough to survive this and I will come out on the other side a bit broken but also beautiful.

SICK, SICK, SICK

I've gotta tell you - the last couple weeks have been rough, but the last week has been exhausting! I've struggled with my ever-increasing need for sleep. I can't seem to ever get enough to last me all through the day. By 3 or 4, I'm so tired that I can't stop yawning. That was tough enough. Now, for the last week, there's been a really crappy virus floating around our house. It was Tori first - she had a little cough, then she got a pretty high fever. She ended up staying home for almost the entire school week. She loved it during the times she was fever-free! :) Then Deanna got sick too. Same stuff. She was home for 2 days. She was not happy about missing school for that long. So cute that she loves school so much. Thankfully Summer hasn't gotten sick - I'm not really sure how we've managed that, but I am not complaining. I wish they had all been that lucky. Richard also seems to have escaped this virus. I haven't gotten it yet either; however, there were a few times that I felt like I was running a fever. It's going to be a lovely miracle if we can get past this with no one else getting sick. Let's hope for that.

Smile

Have you ever heard a song that perpetually put you in a good mood? A song that lifts your spirits, that reminds you of all the wonderful things in your life? I believe I have found that song - every time I hear it, no matter how bad the day, I smile. I guess that was the point considering the name of said song is.....Smile by Uncle Kracker. I don't know if he wrote the song or if he just sang it but I've got to tell you - he definitely got it right. This quote from the song "...and the moments when my good time start to fade, you make me smile..." reminds me of my girls. I can be having the worst day ever when it feels like I can't do anything right, they notice me. They offer me unconditional acceptance and understanding. They offer their hearts completely and make me feel like the sun has deigned me worthy of light again. It's the most remarkable thing you can experience. When I think of how amazing they really are, it astounds me how truly blessed I am to be loved by such infinitely compassionate beings. I guess maybe that's why this song makes me so happy, that my smile cannot be contained - this song is my girls. I know there must be that one person in the world this song will make you think of. So go listen to this song, then come back here and give me my answer: How long did it take before your face broke into a huge grin? : )

Song of the Day (Obviously): "Smile" by Uncle Kracker

No More Numbers, I Promise

So I'm not counting how many day since I started this blog. Too tedious to figure out if I've missed a day of two. LOL! You know me - I like to keep it simple. So I'm been wondering about my blog and I've realized that I haven't really been putting a lot lately in here that will show my kids the kind of person I am. So, I've decided that I'm going to work on that. Up until now, my writing has been so scattered, because I wasn't sure what to write sometimes. But I've decided after reading my friend's blog, it's all about writing what you're thinking at exactly that moment in time. Not trying to figure out the most interesting thing that happened that day. It's about the feelings racing through you, and just pouring them out onto the screen. I am hoping this will help me do justice to this adventure. : ) So here goes nothing - take this ride with me and we'll see where it all ends up. : )

Day 24

Hello my girls. It's been a rough day today - your father and I are fighting. Nothing you should be worried about, although that statement is actually really funny when you consider that by the time you read this your father and I will be older than dirt. LOL! I just hate it when Big Daddy and I argue. It always stinks no matter what we're arguing about. I'm sure when you girls get married you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

So today, I was lazy - I did the dishes and I ironed your dad's clothes for tomorrow for work. That's about it. We even went to Burger King for dinner, so I didn't even cook. I just didn't feel all that great - I ended up taking a nap too - I've just been so tired lately. I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with my thyroid. I guess it's time to get tested.

Right now, I'm watching CSI: New York. I'm tired so I'm probably going to hit the sack soon but I had to see this show. The preview they showed on it looked awesome, and anyway I love all the CSI shows. They're cop shows so I can't complain! I love most law enforcement shows - Bones (my favorite), NCIS,  all the Law and Order shows, Numb3rs, Criminal Minds. I love them all. : ) Okay girls - I'm off of here. Love you so much.

Song of the Day: "You Had A Bad Day" by Daniel Powter