Pain always comes, but so does peace

Well it seems my sister has moved back into the home of my "mother" who shall from here on out be called Susan and my "stepfather" who shall be called Johnny. If you know my story, then you can understand why this bothers me. If you don't know my history, then just trust me to say that this is a bad thing. A very bad thing. I don't care to air all my family's dirty laundry to the entire world at this time. Besides, should I choose to do that, it would take way too long to write out. So anyway, my sister and I haven't spoken for some time now and with this new development, I fear she has gone too far to ever change that. I can't understand her decision and I don't think I'll ever be able to resign myself to forgive her for it. I never imagined she could be so destructive as to move her children into that home. How do you make the decision to do what you swore you never would? How do you proclaim your disdain for a person and situation and then allow yourself to go right back to that person and that situation? I don't understand and  I believe that I will forever feel as if she betrayed me. Like she broke that most sacred of vows. I don't know if my heart will ever be the same again - I feel like I've lost so much, but all I can do is keep going. I have to stand up for what's right, to be true to my decisions and press on. I can't let her selfish decisions dictate how I feel about myself or how I live my life. I will be happy, I will love with all my heart, and I will be loved by the ones who have stood by me through it all. I will not allow her betrayal to destroy my ability to trust. I have accepted that most of my family is gone from me, but I've also realized that the ones that remain are the ones who have always loved me. They are true and I thank God that he blessed me with each of them. I don't know that I would have come out on the other side of this without their strength and unconditional acceptance. So in this time of despair and loss, I have found some peace. I can't make the decisions for others, no matter that I can see a disaster ahead. I have to let them take their own road and I have to follow the one I know God has laid before me. I am strong enough to survive this and I will come out on the other side a bit broken but also beautiful.

SICK, SICK, SICK

I've gotta tell you - the last couple weeks have been rough, but the last week has been exhausting! I've struggled with my ever-increasing need for sleep. I can't seem to ever get enough to last me all through the day. By 3 or 4, I'm so tired that I can't stop yawning. That was tough enough. Now, for the last week, there's been a really crappy virus floating around our house. It was Tori first - she had a little cough, then she got a pretty high fever. She ended up staying home for almost the entire school week. She loved it during the times she was fever-free! :) Then Deanna got sick too. Same stuff. She was home for 2 days. She was not happy about missing school for that long. So cute that she loves school so much. Thankfully Summer hasn't gotten sick - I'm not really sure how we've managed that, but I am not complaining. I wish they had all been that lucky. Richard also seems to have escaped this virus. I haven't gotten it yet either; however, there were a few times that I felt like I was running a fever. It's going to be a lovely miracle if we can get past this with no one else getting sick. Let's hope for that.